I Don't Love You
by Doctor Addison Montgomery
Summary: AddisonAlex. It wasn't built on love. No, it was based on want and need. Touches of AlexIzzie, Addek and Maddison. [Addisex] My first GA fanfic so please review! xx


**I Don't Love You**

**Summary: _AddisonAlex_. It wasn't built on love. No, it was based on want and need. Touches of AlexIzzie, Addek and Maddison. (Addisex)  
This is my first go at a Grey's Anatomy fanfic so please review and be kind! My fave pairing is AlexIzzie but I'm quite taken in by the idea for Addisex at the moment.  
Song lyrics are from 'I Don't Love You' by My Chemical Romance.  
Vikki xx

* * *

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_  
Well, when you go  
__Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay  
__And maybe when you get back  
__I'll be off to find another way._

It wasn't meant to turn out like this. The sidelong glances, the emotions and least of all the kiss in the bar. But they were desperate, both of them. They had both gone from having it all to having nothing of value that they could call their own. Addison had lost her husband, her respect as a doctor and slowly she was losing her grip. Alex had lost the only woman he had ever loved to a man who was dead now, but still Izzie didn't want him. This time she had let him down gently but it still hurt, maybe even more than before. Addison understood him and he could empathise with her, maybe that was what had pushed them together in the first place.

Alex pulled back from the kiss. Even under the influence of the alcohol he was consuming he knew this wasn't right. He should get up, walk away and go home to bed. Maybe things would be clearer in the morning, frankly he couldn't see how they could possibly get more complicated. Addison was drunk true and if he didn't stop things now then they would wake up with more than just a hang over in the morning.

"Addison..." Alex began but she cut him off, pressing her lips to his in a hungry kiss. It was need and not passion that drove her to this. She needed to be loved, wanted and respected again. Her turbulent and, in the end, disasterous marriage to Derek had affected her more than she thought. Maybe she wasn't the independent and strong Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd that she thought she had been.

"Please Alex."

He wasn't used to this at all. With Izzie he had usually pushed to hard. In his previous relationships things had always been the other way around.

"Addison..." He tried again but she seemed to anticipate what he was going to say.

"I can't make you want me." She said, pushing her empty glass away and standing up. Alex grabbed her by the hand and looked her in the eye.

"It's wrong Addison, we work together. I've already hurt Izzie enough. It would just be wrong, you are my doctor and I'm your intern."

Addison laughed bitterly. "It didn't stop Derek and Meredith." Alex suddenly understood what this was about. If he thought about it he realised that it hadn't stopped Izzie and Denny either.

"I know." He sighed, reaching out to tuck a strand of Addison's red silky hair behind her ear and out of her face. She really was beautiful but she wasn't Izzie and he wasn't Derek. Or Mark. It was bound to end in tears.

He let her go and stared into his empty shot glass. The barman seemed to notice and approached him.

"Can I get you another?"

Alex considered this. Another drink to numb the pain now or another drink to add to the pain tomorrow morning. It was like Addison really, although rather than a headache she would give his heart a hangover. That was the last thing he needed. Alex had had more than enough heartache over Izzie to need anymore from another woman. He declined, going home to his bed seemed like a better prospect right now.

* * *

"We need to talk about the kiss?" Alex said with determination the next morning. Refusing that final drink hadn't been a mistake. Sleep and not having a hangover meant that he had a clear head to deal with things today.

Addison stopped in her tracks and turned to face him.

"Not here." She said and lead him down to an empty room on the second floor of the Seattle Grace Hospital.

"We shouldn't have kissed." He said bluntly.

Addison should have been expecting this, she should have seen it coming.

"I know Alex..."

He cut her off this time. "I love Izzie. She may not love me, or even like me in that way at all but I can't help the way I feel."

"And I still love Derek. And Mark. I don't know. But I know that I don't love you."

"I don't love you either Addison." Alex replied.

"So why is this so wrong? We're not hurting anybody." Addison reasoned.

Alex initiated the kiss this time. She was right, they weren't hurting anybody, except themselves.


End file.
